Myths and Insight on Holding Back Kindergartener

It has been a year since we made the much debated decision to hold back or “redshirt” our 5 year old. I had so many concerns regarding his age and him feeling like he was held back and not advancing like his peers…but you know what? NONE of my concerns came true. Y’all holding Reid back for one extra year to gain maturity was the best parenting decision we have made. Take this with a grain of salt, as we haven’t entered kindergarten yet, but seeing the amount that he has grown and matured this year, I feel confident that he will succeed in kindergarten in the fall.

I posted my concerns and our debate about redshirting our oldest in this post. A brief recap…it was brought to our attention by his preK teacher that holding him back a year would help him mature and succeed in school. While we were originally taken back, we decided to follow her advice and are so grateful that we did.

My original concerns and what really happened (myths debunked):

My son would realize and be embarrassed by his age. Reid’s birthday is February, which means he is the oldest in his class and will probably be one of the oldest in his grade throughout school. While I was super concerned he would make the connection and be upset that he wasn’t advancing to kindergarten like his classmates–the reality was that he acknowledged the fact that his classmates were in kindergarten but wasn’t concerned by it. He knows he is the oldest in his class and is thrilled that he is 6, but it doesn’t phase him at all. Some of his best friends are also 6 and in first grade, but again, it doesn’t bother him in the least. Rather than being embarrassed by his age, he thinks its cool that he is one of the oldest 🙂 Additionally, the cut off age for private schools in Atlanta is March which means that if he went to an elite private school in the area he would be in the exact grade he is going to be in!

My son is too smart and will get bored. Y’all kindergarten and even preschool for that matter is not like it used to be. My boys attend a preschool that is “play based” (one of the only ones in our area) and they learn SO much. We are blessed that our school offers a Young-5s program which added to what Reid learned in the 4’s program. Reid is working on reading and knows around 100 sight words, not to mention he knows simple addition, subtraction and counting money. While Reid is super smart, he has not been bored and from what I have been told, he won’t be bored in kindergarten either!

My son will look much older than his peers. Looking older than his peers was not my major concern as we come from “short stock” and are on the smaller side, facial changes and teeth being lost were a concern of mine. Well here is a lesson for all of us first time parents, EVERY KID IS DIFFERENT!! We have friends who lost their teeth when they just turned 5, some who lost their first tooth at 7, every child’s timing and development is different. Not to mention the time that kids hit puberty is completely different as well, but we will cross that bridge in time. Looking around at kindergarten orientation, I realized that he will fit in just fine.

My son will resent me for holding him back. I hope in the future that Reid understands that we made the best decision we could for him in the moment. I hope he knows that we researched, talked to teachers, weighed the pros and cons and prayed about the decision and ultimately decided that it was right to hold him back a year. To hold him back was to give him a gift of more time at home, more time to mature, more time to play, more time to be with his little brother, more time to develop and time that we will treasure for a lifetime because it was more time together. While he may want to go off to college when he is 18, giving him an extra year to mature and develop will hopefully serve him in the future.

What actually happened, which I didn’t see coming...

When contemplating holding Reid back we focused on how he would feel and how he would manage in young fives or kindergarten…I never thought that our decision would solicit the judgment from other people, but it did. It amazes me how many people have opinions on how best to raise other people’s children. When at playgrounds or around other moms, many people would say how it is unfair that children are held back, how it gives them an unfair advantage, how the county needs to stop allowing kids to be held back, how people hold back kids for sports or for other advantages, how I may not be able to even enroll my child based on his age, how my son is smart enough to go on, how kids will get bored and need to be pushed, and on and on. It was amazing to me how many people had opinions on the subject.

Y’all, I am a people pleaser by nature and avoid confrontation, but I learned to speak up for my son and the position that we took. When confronted with discussions about redshirting, I simply explain that every child is different and every situation is different, and that what works for one child may not be the best for another. Additionally, that as parents we are all doing our best to make the best decisions for our children. Frankly, if others want to judge the decision we made–then that is on them, I am so grateful that we made the decision to give Reid an extra year to grow and mature and will forever be thankful for that decision as it was best for him.

All of this being said, it is not one size fits all…Walker, our youngest, may be starting kindergarten the following year (as we may not hold him back even though he has a later birthday). Time will tell about what his teacher believes is best for him, how he matures and develops, and we will make the decision when the time comes. Every child is different and there is no one size fits all when it comes to raising children 🙂

I hope you find this with love and my advice to you if you are debating about this decision: do what feels best in your heart and what makes the most sense for your individual child. I am so grateful for the extra time with my son before he starts kindergarten, but am looking forward to the new phase of life too!