Holding Child Back in Kindergarten: Reflections After a Year
It is hard to believe that it is already 2023, am I right?! The past couple of years have been a roller coaster ride in terms of education and what the correct decision is for our boys. Two years ago, it was brought to our attention by our 4 year old’s teacher that he may benefit from enrolling in a Young-Fives program instead of going ahead to kindergarten. Reid is our first born and while we initially had no intention of holding him back from kindergarten, we took his teachers opinion seriously and after lots of discussion and prayer, we ultimately decided to hold him back and enroll him in the young-5s program. Fast forward two years and our oldest is in kindergarten at the public school up the street from us and our youngest is now in a similar situation as our oldest was–time certainly flies!
When deciding what to do a couple years ago, I looked and researched all over the internet, I asked friends and people who had experienced the same situation; I want to share my insight with you, if you are in the same situation, to see a perspective from someone who has gone through this challenging decision.
First up, let me share with you the most challenging aspect of holding your child back–its 100% societies view and other people’s opinions! The social aspect is the one that keeps me up at night and makes me continue to pray that we made the correct decision for our son. There is ZERO doubt that Reid is in the correct spot for him, but the year he was born versus the year his peers were born makes me fearful for social fall out for him and judgment from my own peers. Thankfully, this aspect is the least important and in the long run, if he encounters any challenges or feeling left out, he will grow more resilience and will become a stronger person for it. That being said, it is still something that I dread and pray never comes to fruition.
Kids like to talk about ages, how old they are and how tall they are. My son is friends with a lot of second graders in the neighborhood and they are only a year older than him, though they are two grades higher than he is. While it doesn’t seem to bother him, he has started to ask questions (which we answer) and is growing more aware of the fact that he is older than most in his grade. My fear is that this is a difference he is going to carry with him throughout life, something that sets him apart from the majority, something that is different; my prayer is that he will brush any reaction off or just not encounter resistance at all.
Socially, for the mother, it is a hard stand to take as well. Y’all people say they don’t care and tell you to do what you think is best for your child…but boy, do people have opinions! I wish I could say that people don’t, and while some don’t, the majority HAS an opinion. Parents want the best for their kids and I know it can be frustrating when you think someone has an unfair advantage–I don’t think my son does, but I understand it can be viewed that way.
If you choose to hold back your child, just be prepared to stand firm in your decision. It feels like I do a lot of defending and needing to explain my reasoning, but in the end, I understand that I need to stand confident knowing we did the best we could and made the best decision for our son. It isn’t about other people and others opinions, it is about MY SON and what is best for his development and education.
Now lets talk about the important things…
Was it the best decision for our son, heck to the yes! Reid physically and emotionally is right on for his grade level. If you did not know the year he was born, you would have ZERO idea that he was older. He looks and acts just like his peers. The extra year built up his confidence in school work, but also allowed him to mature and grow emotionally. The emotional growth and extra time was 100% worth it, I cannot begin to express the gratitude I have for his preschool teachers for their help and the extra time with him.
Physically, Reid is going to be on the smaller side (if I had to guess) as Drew and I both were small and reached puberty behind our peers. While Reid is super talented at riding his bike and scootering, among other talents, he is not overly large or aggressive. Playing sports he fits right in with his grade level, whereas the year prior he was noticeably smaller than most. I think long term, physically, it will make him feel more confident.
Academically, Reid is excelling in school. I am grateful for the amount of learning he did in his young-5’s class as it prepared him to focus on the more emotional aspect of school, rather than juggling both learning and emotions. Kindergarten is pretty much a recap of what he did the prior year and I am thankful that he is prepared. And if you wonder if he is bored…the answer is no, he is still learning things that he didn’t know before and adjusting to being in school for 7 hours is more than enough to keep him on his toes.
Overall, there are many positives but the social pressures that I feel as his mother and fear he will feel later down the road are a challenge. The greater picture is doing what is right for your child, not what makes you as a parent more comfortable or conforming to social norms. I know that we made the decision based on the BEST choice for our son and that’s all that matters. In the end, he will face challenges, whether that from his age or from something else, but I have faith that he will only grow stronger and more resilient with any challenge.
Would we do it again? The answer is: YES! After a lot of debate and prayer (again!), we decided to do the same thing with our youngest son next year. I am grateful for the extra year of maturity for them and believe it is the best for their future success!
I hope this helps anyone struggling with the decision with redshirting your child. Ultimately, focus on what is right for your child…and you won’t regret it!
Sending you so much love,
Cody
